We Should Never Be Afraid To Die

[EVERY MORNING, BEFORE LEAVING TO SCHOOL, I LOOK IN THE MIRROR. THEN I GIVE MY REFLECTION THE FINGER AND I’M GOOD TO GO.]

School is just full of people who care so much about how they look, how others look, what others think of them, what’s acceptable in society, what is normal, who they should hang out with and all that shit. People who spend so much time in front of the mirror every morning and still, as soon as they spot a mirror, they would spend even more time staring at themselves, making sure they look perfect. It’s tiring. I usually just try to remind myself that it doesn’t fucking matter. I look in the mirror and before any too self-conscious thoughts of hair and clothes and all the usual crap start appearing I just make a little fuck it sign and leave the room.

foREVer is something Avenged Sevenfold related, I suppose. It’s a memorial signal the guys from Avenged Sevenfold came up with a little while after Jimmy, their amazing drummer whose stage name was The Rev, passed away on December 28th of 2009. What this simple little word means to me is beyond anything I can express. Jimmy means so much to me, a massive part of me died the second he left this world. The word forever is about eternity, about something that never ends, and it connects with Jimmy in so many ways. It could mean that he’s never really gone, it could mean that he’ll always be here in spirit, it can mean that he’s eternally remain in our minds and hearts. Right now, to me it means that this pain of knowing he’s not out there will never end, and that he is never ever coming back. So at the moment it comes from a very painful place, and I write it on my wrist mainly when I find myself sitting in class wanting to scream or cry or just feeling very emotional but I can’t do anything, and can’t even show how I feel. So I grab a pen and write it on my wrist, and I think of him and I sit quietly and do nothing.